American Jesus Madness
Just discovered this beauty at zackhunt.net. I gave you my advice on how to Do March Madness Like a Boss on Monday, but we are going to take it to the next level. In the AJM bracket, the current issues in Christianity are pitted against each other. I am going to break down the bracket for the first round match-ups.
Donald Trump vs Basic Human Decency
In what might be a landslide, I am going on record and predicting an upset with “the Donald” bringing human decency to its knees, 68-55. Why? Because the country is wobbling from the last eight years of Barry and are looking for a change. If decency has to go to the bench, Americans say, so be it. TRUMP
Ben Carson vs Staying Awake
In this yawner, I got Staying Awake at the buzzer, 4-2. Enough said.
Ted Cruz vs Integrity
In a rare AJM appearance, Integrity takes the floor against Cruz, the GOP nominee, currently 38th place in the polls. Because Integrity hasn’t been in the tourney in a while, I’ve got the white-shirts taking the truth-stretcher down. Cruz needs to hit all of their field goal attempts as we know Integrity doesn’t foul. Integrity 62-60.
Kim Davis vs GLATTDA
The Gay/Lesbian Agenda Trying To Destroy America is the clear cut favorite. They’ve been a powerhouse in the San Fransisco region all year. Kim Davis has been lying low, waiting for her chance to pounce. Not gonna happen, Kimmy. GLATTDA 84-50.
Second Amendment vs Sermon on the Mount
Liberals are having a hey day with this one. You can’t open your PETA newsletter without stumbling across an ad putting homicidal shootings and the 2nd Amendment together. FOOLS! Everyone knows that guns make fine dining table decor and they are trying to squash this American tradition. It is from Satan. Meanwhile, the SotM continues to be encouraged by Christians. Whatever. 2A in a rout, 74-58.
Greg Boyd vs Benny Holmes
A no-brainer. Benny “Mobile” Holmes introduced his firearm to an uninvited intruder and the Libs are up in arms. No, not that kind of arms. Apparently, Boyd wanted Holmes to give him a tract and baptize him in the hot tub. Boyd continues to live in the delusion that we all can get along. While both of the gentlemen are pastors, I don’t find it pertinent to the fact that they both went to the same junior high. Holmes with a “shot” at the buzzer. 66-64. See what I did there 😉
Jerry Falwell Jr. vs Loving Your Enemies
LYE has long been thought of as overrated in America. We’re all about the justice. Few have paid the price though to truly find what Loving Your Enemies is all about. In the meantime, Jerry Falwell has cruised under the radar since he was upset during the first round in 1989 when he went up against a fiery group of Prostitutes. No more. Falwell is all about the street cred and will not be judged. At least not yet. LYE 60-56
Laryicia Hawkins vs Wheaton College
In what could be the gaff of the year, Hawkins freely admitted to not reading any Wheaton literature before or after being hired by the university. She thought Wheaton was an agriculture school where future farmers needed help with milking the cow. Saying that all religions have the same God at a Christian University is as dumb as employing a special-needs ninja. Wheaton in a landslide, 96-55.
Pope Francis Fiat vs Creflo Dollar’s 65 Million Dollar Jet.
Dollar freely admits that he will not be living in the ghetto in heaven, so why should he feed the poor now? He’s just practicing for eternity. The PopeMobile is a huge win for Francis. His priorities are in the right place and knows he can always call Dollar if he needs a ride. The Pope rolls, 75-70
Sharing Fake News Stories on Facebook vs Like & Share if You Love Jesus
WOW. 2 powerhouse programs. They don’t replace their players, they just reload. It’s hard to pick a winner as both are so out of control that nobody wins in the end. Shenanigans vs guilt in this one. I’m going with the Fake News, 48-45.
Mark Driscoll vs His Past
Driscoll’s strategy in this one is to not even give his past any attention, in the hopes that it will not come back to beat him. We’ve seen this strategy before with Judas Iscariot and we all know how that turned out. Don’t ever take the past for granted. Except if you’re Lazarus. The Past hammers Driscoll 122-65.
Andy Stanley vs Small Churches
In another nominee for Gaff of the Year, Stanley waxed eloquent at Catalyst 2016, talking some non-sense about how small churches are inferior to big churches. Stanley soon received loads of hate mail and has been practicing in private for this classic tilt. Look for the Small Church crew to ring up Stanley like the Liberty Bell on the 4th of July.
Religious Right vs Taking Responsibility for the Rise of Donald Trump
The Right should have taken a page from the Morale Majority’s playbook and not open up their collective yappers. The Donald would not be in his position if not for the Right. Taking Responsibility in a thumper, 66-44.
Two Corinthians vs Biblical Literacy
Trump’s Two Corinthian favorite books of the Bible comment is getting pounded, and not without problems. Biblical Literacy has been looking for validation for years and can’t wait to get it on with TwoCor. This reporter’s hope is that Biblical Literacy pulls it out, but watch the line on this one as Trump’s people will be betting big. BL 50-41.
Red Starbucks Cup vs Actual Christian Persecution
It’s hard to pick against the OUTRAGE of “Christians” over the Starbucks debacle. Who does Starbucks think they are? Donald Trump? The RSC is vastly overrated while Actual Christian Persecution is under reported here in the States. Don’t look for the ACP to back down. EVER. ACP stomps the RSC, 100-4.
Franklin Graham vs Resisting the Urge to Say Something Terrible on the Internet
I’ve got to go with Graham on this one. the RtUtSSTOTI only comes after you have pushed the enter button, giving the team no credit at all. Franklin will pound the Resistance like we all would, 88-44.
Trump vs Staying Awake
This could be the biggest landslide in the history of history. If you fall asleep when watching Trump then you only one thing. DEAD. Trump 100-0
Integrity vs GLATTDA
Talk about a battle of opposites/powerhouses. The Agenda has been gearing up for war for a while now, while integrity has been making a small comeback these last few year, and gaining momentum. Sorry Integrity, the Agenda is rolling over your house today. 84-66.
2nd Amendment vs Benny Holmes
In the battle of ironies, the reason we get to talk about Benny is because of the 2nd Amendment. Isn’t that ironic? Don’t you think? 2A all the way 98-44
Loving Your Enemies vs Wheaton
We are only talking about Wheaton because of some hack professor opening up her yapper. Loving Your Enemies plays great D. LYE 77-73.
Pope’s Fiat vs Sharing Fake News
The Pope is the crowd’s favorite, but Fake News is known to everybody who is on Facebook. The Fiat leaves tire treads on the news, 76-66.
Marc Driscoll vs Small Churches
Driscoll sends Small Churches back to Sunday school, 65-63.
Religious Right Taking Responsibility for the Rise of Trump vs Biblical Literacy
No way the Right is taking responsibility, Biblical Literacy at the buzzer, 55-54.
Actual Christian Persecution vs Franklin Graham
Franklin Graham’s gaff vs. Christian’s being beheaded. ACE by a nose, 76-70.
Trump vs GLATTDA
What should have been the finals, this one will be a doozy. When I say doozy, I mean Trump spanking the GLADTTDA like a puppy that peed on the rug. 76-66, Trump
2nd Amendment vs Loving Your Enemies
2A is on a winning streak right now and don’t look for the LYE to put up much of a defense against their enemy, 88-22, 2A.
The Pope’s Fiat vs Marc Driscoll
In what some people say is the upset of the tourney, the Fiat full court presses Driscool and he folds like an origami napkin. The Pope, 58-50.
Biblical Literacy vs Actual Christian Persecution
Making sure your translation is correct vs people dying because of the words being translated. ACE in a stomping, 79-55.
Trump vs 2nd Amendment
The battle of Juggernauts. Trump is hot, but 2A is a force unto itself, 2A in a close one, 77-75.
The Pope’s Fiat vs Actual Christian Persecution
While the Fiat story is a nice one, the ACE is thug life personified, DON’T HATE, ACE in a blowout, 90-60.
2A vs ACE
The right to bear arms vs Actual Christian Persecution.
I’m calling for the ACE to beat 2A in the upset of the tourney. Look for 2A to have the ball last, but shoot themselves in the foot in the end. ACE, 70-68