Do I have time to condition my hair? – Service starts at 9:00am, it’s 8:30 and you are in the shower. It takes 10 minutes to get to church but you still have to get ready. You’ve shampooed your hair and now comes the hard question. I mean, I really should, it’s been a couple of days, but, dang, I don’t want to be late, AGAIN. It’s a conundrum.
What am I going to do at Greeting Time? – You know that awkward time when the Pastor says during the announcements, “Turn around and greet a few people.” And you’re thinking to yourself you’d rather go eat dirt than do this. Why do we get jumpy and nervous when we have to say hello to people we don’t know? I feel like I’m so fake when I do this. Hi, how are you? Or how about when the Pastor says to turn to the person next to you and say something like, “You are forgiven.” I don’t know the person sitting next to me. What the heck?
Where am I eating afterwards?/Doesn’t matter if there is a bake sale going on. – Always, I’m thinking where are we eating after service. Sitting and doing nothing for an hour and a half can make a man hungry. Dennys, IHOP, the mom and pop diner that has the best hash browns? You gotta think ahead. Now all of that is negated if some ministry is having a bake sale. Nothing says “I’m off my diet”, quicker that three large chocolate cookies. I’m not sure who was at work, God or the devil when one day after service there was a girl scout selling her cookies right outside the church doors. Enough said.
What translation should bring?Should I bring a pen? – If you’ve been around then you know how many different translations there are. KJV, NKJV, NASB, NIV, The Message are just a tiny few of the versions available. I’m lucky. I go to a church that has put everything up on the overhead display. But I know there a lot of people who think that’s heresy and say that you have to have a bible when you go to church or you’ll explode in flames when you walk in. Good luck with that. Should I bring a pen that works because if go with a pen from church it’s gonna be fifty/fifty.
I hope I know at least one of the worship songs? – I go to a non-denominational church. Over the years, worship music has picked up quite a bit. I love it. Unfortunately, there are now 5 million worship songs to choose from. I just want one that I know. Too much to ask? I don’t think so. I love to worship. When you hit those notes in the songs that you know well makes your heart smile. When you are lip syncing, trying to look like you’re singing the song when you don’t really know it, takes away all of the fun. I hate that.
Have I tithed yet this month? – Oh, man. I better check my checkbook when I get out of the shower. Sometimes I feel like I’m past due on a bill and think oh, I’ll just make it up next month, no biggie. I know that is not the way it works, but my feeble attempts at tricking God has to come from somewhere. Is tithing from the gross or net is an entirely different conversation altogether.